Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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