If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
