Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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