i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
