If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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