first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
