I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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