Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize