I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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