I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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