Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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