Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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