Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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