How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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