That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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