babies were throwing up all over the place
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
