it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
