Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
