His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
