we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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