dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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