OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
