I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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