So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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