my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
