Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
