Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
