I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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