Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
