I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
