hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
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you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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