Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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That's how pantless uber rides happen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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