It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
