I smell stomach acid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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