So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dick very happy bro
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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