Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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