his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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