somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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