whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
