he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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