would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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