Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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