Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
