At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
