He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
