I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I AM VODKA MAN
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
