So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize