I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize