Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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