Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The air taste purple.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
