im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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