can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
