I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
