I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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