There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
