You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
