Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
