we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
