if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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