Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
