Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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