i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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